I don’t really want to blog about this.
It’s being done to death.
I have to do it anyway, don’t I?
Today on Twitter everyone went nuts because an increasingly irrelevant Katie Hopkins prototype wrote a piece of antisemitic bullshit in the guise of a piece of sexist bullshit.
Kevin Myers had a piece published in the Irish edition of today’s Sunday Times. This piece bore the following headline:
The observant among you will have noticed that this is a picture, not a link to the article. That’s because I was quick and made sure I saved a copy of the image before it was taken down by a no-doubt hyperventilating editor in London. It was taken down because pretty much everyone lost their shit about the fact that the article went on to be pretty darn antisemitic.
Because nothing gets an article going quite like an offensive and outdated stereotype widely employed by the Nazis.
People were disgusted, and rightly so. They kicked off, dear Kevin got the sack, and The Sunday Times issued an apology and stated that the publication “abhors antisemitism”. Good.
Unfortunately, some of us are still a little upset about the sexism, which isn’t mentioned in the apology at all.
And so on and so forth. Many tweets asked why a man like this was given such a prominent platform in this day and age.
Q: Why is it that in 2017 people are still paid to write pieces like this in mainstream publications?
A: Because the idea that the wage gap is a myth is a very popular one and people love paying money to have someone tell them that their prejudices are justified.
People love to hear that women need to stop complaining. In general, the people who believe that women need to stop talking about the wage gap fit into two pretty broad categories:
Category A: They’re making it up. “I’ve never seen a job posting with different salary advertised for women!”
Category B: They’re not making it up, but it’s justified. “Blah blah maternity leave blah blah bread winner” etc. etc.
So what we have in Kevin Myers is a classic category B, which I’m sure that he’s more than happy with since he’s in such esteemed company as Pretty Much Every Guy in My Old Office, and That Guy From Casualty.
Kevin Myers is nothing special when it comes to his views on women, and instead of asking how this guy is still paid to write disgusting, inflammatory pieces about how men are better than women, we should be asking how this guy is still paid to write. Full stop. Because the super fun thing I found out while researching this post is that Kevin ‘wants photos of gay sex‘ Myers is a fucking terrible writer.
This may be the Whiskey Mac talking, but Myers just can’t write. His back-catalogue reads like a collection of essays by an enthusiastic but attention-challenged 14 year old on a quest to be named Ultimate Edge Lord.
As a fun little experiment, let us dive down this rabbit hole together, you and I, and see what Kevin My Arse‘s career has looked like.
Disclaimer: I haven’t included any links from Myers’s time at The Sunday Times due to the fact that I’m not a subscriber. I subscribed to the Irish Independent so that I could view these articles, but all one needs to do is enter an email address and you, too, can enjoy the crazed rantings of My Arse. Let’s do a little countdown!
#3 – Kevin Myers vs English Sausages
In this delightful offering from October 2012, Kev begins with a somewhat understandable level of worry about struggling businesses in a nearby town.
So far, so reasonable. Unfortunately for us this is pretty much the last glimpse of sanity we’ll see, as from here on in Myers goes from having a quick wank over Microsoft using Ireland as a tax haven in the EU:
to crying over the poor old private sector having to contribute (via taxes) to the pensions of council employees whilst letting it’s own dear employees starve:
to the loss of jobs from the closure of Olhausen due to financial difficulties and the inability to find a buyer from the business. Huh.
Following on from the closure of Olhausen (which he must have used a fucking huge crowbar to get in there) the above closing paragraph actually makes sense because there’s a decent chance that the Olhausen workers would have kept their jobs if the company were able to export their products to England. The big problem comes when we try and fit Exhibit A (Microsoft like Ireland), Exhibit B (The local council workers have pensions) and Exhibit C (English sausages taste like sawdust) all together. I wish I could say that at the end of the “article” he ties it all together, but (in the beginning of an irritating trend) he doesn’t. That’s it. The above really is his closing paragraph. NEXT!
#2 – Kevin Myers vs Global Warming
In this episode we join Mr Myers on a journey around the continent, what fun adventures will we have today, boys and girls?
This article is another great example of hopping around from ridiculous point to ridiculous point. Since it’s pretty clear from the off that this is going to be an article of climate change skepticism (otherwise known as being a fucking idiot and/or a massive wanker) we obviously don’t expect it to be, you know, good. By the end of the first paragraph he’s propositioned the reader. By the beginning of the second paragraph he’s demanding to know why the fall of communism didn’t change the weather, and it only gets worse from there. Reading the rest of this article is like wading through a swamp of conspiracy-fueled euroscepticism littered with hyperbole, and it’s really telling that I’m actually glad when we start comparing global warming to Swine ‘Flu, AIDS, Genital Herpes and Acid Rain. It’s like a reaching terra firma. A terra firma I’d rather chew my own ear off than be on, but that is still preferable to the brown, shitty, muddy water I was in before. Basically, Kevin Myers talking about global warming is like getting out of the sea and back on to the beach at Weston Super-Mare.
After the obligtory “it’s cold! How can you say there’s global warming when it’s quite obviously cold outside?! Stupid Libtards!” reminiscent of a speech to the US Senate, there’s a brief outburst of islamophobia before he declares that global warming is the next Euro and the “article” ends. Sudden endings really are a favourite in these articles, and I really think it’s because he forgets where he started, has a little rant, gets tired and then clicks ‘send’ before going for a nap. He really does get easily distracted. Speaking of which…
#1 – Kevin Myers vs… um… Stuff?
It was actually super hard to come up with a number one on the list of things Kevin Myers has lost an argument against, because the man just battles everything. Islam, Palestine, the EU, Catholics, Loyalists, Protestants, Unionists, Britain, Ireland, Wales, the Tudors, Channel 4, Homophobia, Equality, Inequality, the Pope, the Press Ombudsman, the Green Party, Gay Couples, Mulled Wine, Prosecco, Uganda, Jewish People, China; there’s no beginning to what this guy knows about. It doesn’t matter to him whether or not his stances clash with each other because he’s off in his head watching the pretty colours and complaining that he doesn’t get invited to be an expert on historical television shows despite being literally the only person who knows anything about anything. It doesn’t matter that he’ll no longer be writing for the Sunday Times because here is a man who doesn’t write for the money or for the fame, but for himself.
To bring things back to the beginning (something which I’ve learned from the esteemed Mr Myers is very important when writing opinion pieces) I don’t give a fuck what this man has to say about the pay gap, at the BBC or elsewhere. I’m happy that he won’t be given a platform at one particular publication anymore, but I don’t need an apology from them or him. The man is an idiot with a flare for writing inflammatory headlines. His one gift was being Katie Hopkins before Katie Hopkins was a thing (incidentally, I bet she’s pissed off that her trip to hospital today was overshadowed by someone else saying something stupid) and now that’s a gift that’s worthless.
Farewell, Kevin Myers. You wrote like no one was reading. Hopefully this was good practice for the future.